LET’S (NOT) TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY
Sexual Joy Through Self Hypnosis – Dr Daniel L Araoz and Dr Robert T Bleck
Imagine: it’s 1991 and you’re browsing the self-help section of a bookstore.
You come across this racy little number – the then newly-published Sexual Joy Through Self Hypnosis – with its promises of spicing up your sex life, and solving common male and female sexual disfunction.
Remember, this was a simpler, happier time. Prince Charles and Princess Diana were still together! It hadn’t yet occurred to all the Boomer couples that they might be fundamentally unsuited and probably shouldn’t have had kids. There was still hope that The Joy of Sex and some lacy red lingerie could sort it all out.
Imagine, then, the hope proffered that self-hypnosis – a mysterious, magical force – could sort it all out! So you only have to unconsciously stare into the abyss of your life’s choices..? (Yep, Generation X and the Millennials will thank you for that later.) Yes! Self-hypnosis and this book can sort it all out!
But, my, my – what a mad bag of psychological surprises and upsets this book is!
First up, we encounter some serious shade in the dedication. “To our immediate families and true friends who supported our efforts.” [Emphasis mine.] Hmm.
Then the acknowledgement on the next page is really quite something:
“I would greatly like to thank my wife, Bonnie Bleck, for her valuable help in writing this book. She spent many long hours assisting with the organizing, writing and editing. Her encouragement, support and imagination provided light to me when, at times, all I could see was darkness.”
This is attributed to ‘RTB’ – as in, Robert T Bleck. We don’t get a sense of Araoz in all of this, though some of the suggestions for sexy fantasies in the middle of this book are written in a bouncier, friendlier style, so maybe that’s where he comes in.
Now. I’m a professional writer and editor and appreciate the woes of an edit, whether for professional or personal projects and on both sides of the fence. Indeed, this blog was borne of an argument about editing Kev’s work.
But, as I get into this book, all I can think about is: what special kind of misery unfolded in the Bleck household while Robert was writing this?!
Because this book is fundamentally, fundamentally problematic.
It’s interesting to experience the issues with positioning, audience, structure, tone, etc, in advance of us reflecting on The Church of NLP in forthcoming posts. The book’s design feels evocative of NLP key texts and there’s an attempt at packaging it all up into A Thing.
However, the authors are inconsistent and unclear in branding this ‘Hypnosex’… then vaguely refer to other programmes, such as one for business management consultants, in the closing pages. What is the reader buying into here? There’s no clear path or sell.
But then we get to the depth and breadth issues. And Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie… What did you edit out?! I know ‘qualified’ and practising hypnotherapists who would not have the patience for RTB’s ‘What is Hypnosis?’ opening chapter! We’ve got Coué, Milt, Puységur (Puységur!), Charcot and a litany of doctor name-drops; we’re getting facts and figures on Sarbin and Barber and Hilgard studies. We’re told, on page 34, there’s no need for trance, but – darn it! – RTB is going to write about it anyway.
We’ve got hypno-nuggets I’ve not encountered before – Dr Paul Sacerdote and ‘sophrology’, which, on page 49, in an explanation on the terminology of ‘hypnosis’, RTB tells us is an alternative, but also inadequate, term.
We’ve even got The Royal Commission. I bet that was a fun evening in the Bleck household when Bonnie questioned whether the average man with erectile dysfunction needed to know the full skinny on Mesmer and mesmerism.
I like hypnosis, but this is certainly not getting my juices flowing.
I kind of blotted out the middle of this book during a boozy Sunday afternoon reading with Kev. It’s a mingle of detailed instructions on self-hypnosis for which I have no patience, be it the hypnosis community’s enduring obsession with How To Breathe™ or menus upon menus of scripts.
I was and am confused as to whether this is, in fact, a book about encouraging daydreaming/fantasising, and better use of communication and the imagination. There are lots of heteronormative vignettes of how to function in a healthy couple, a smattering of unsolicited therapy and a smorgasbord of suggested fantasies.
(Pretending you, as a couple, have been abducted by aliens and must copulate for them in a ‘love box’ naturally stood out!)
But this is jarringly interspersed with case histories you’d expect in hypno books for professionals. So you’re reading about child and sexual abuse, and repressed nuns, in betwixt sex ed and fantasy suggestions; hence saying this is full of psychological upsets. I found a couple of the cases quite unsettling and wondered what sort of sucker punches this book delivered to unsuspecting readers.
RTB and his total lack of writing restraint (with or without his poor wife), however, saves the best for last.
The final chapter is entitled ‘Beyond Hypnosex’. I should have seen this coming because it’s surprisingly long and of course RTB can’t wait to tell you All The Things. But, just as we’ve eased out of tips on snuggling and a vignette of a fictional couple having a weekend of sexy-sex, we’re straight in there with… BRACE YOURSELF…
…James Esdaile, 1800s Scottish surgeon and 20-year East India Company experimenter on impoverished Indians with scrotal tumours. Featuring an anecdote about treating a patient with a scrotal tumour so large he used it as a writing desk.
“Darling, are you sure you want to follow up the story of Phil and Cindy’s special alone time with your vicarious thoughts on hypnosis being used to cure genital warts and disgusting skin conditions?”, I can hear Bonnie ask.
“And the ‘science’ behind that bit about pregnant women divining whether they’re having a boy or girl via hypnosis, er… Let me fix us another G&T… No, no, that’s definitely not just guessing, no. Oh, yes! The bit about breast enlargement is terrific! You’ve certainly done marvels for mine! But are you quite sure about selling your management consultant programme in a book about… No, no, you’re quite right, darling! Carry on!”
*pours all the gin*
It ends somewhat abruptly. Followed by two paragraphs on the only citation in the book. This details how their sole experiment in hypnotic penis enlargement – on Steve, the only bisexual and queer in the book, who went from 4.5 to 5.5 inches, apparently – is definitely probably scientific and credible or something.
I hope it was good for you, too.
